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15 June 2011 @ 09:42 pm
FIC: All That I Am (3/?)  
Title: All That I Am (3/?)
Author: blamslaine 
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sam, Brittany, Blaine (mentions of Brittana, Bartie, past Klaine) Sam-centric
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Warnings: Up through 2x16 Original Song then it goes AU.
Word Count: 4168
Disclaimer: Don't own Glee, wish I did.
Image by: bitterbird 
Summary: It was easier for Sam to just shut himself off and pretend to be the person everyone needed him to be, nobody ever noticed how much that really hurt him though.

So far the day had been better than Sam expected. The morning wasn’t as rough as it usually was, mostly because his father had already left for work by the time Sam got up. Sam hated to admit it, but he was glad that he didn’t run into his father; he wasn’t ready for another one of those “you’re wasting your life with unimportant things,” one-sided conversations, especially so soon after the one from yesterday. Classes went surprisingly well, if for nothing more than the small miracle that his English teacher didn’t call on him when she decided to have the class take turns reading out loud.


Before Sam knew it, most of the day had already flown by and it was time for Glee Club. He wasn’t sure that was a good thing though. What Brittany had said yesterday would be true. Everyone would be focused on Kurt coming back, and Sam knew he would end up fading further into the background. That wouldn’t be too bad - he was used to it after all - but that meant all that was left was going to Brittany’s to practice and then back home, and he wasn’t looking forward to either of those things.


Sam liked Brittany, but he wasn’t entirely sure he could trust her not to run around and tell everyone about what happened at his house. And even if she did keep her promise, that didn’t mean that he was willing to deal with the awkwardness that would be in the air. The thing that Sam was most worried about was Brittany’s unpredictability. She was just as likely to want to talk about what happened at his house yesterday as she was to want to talk about why she thought apples should be blue. There was simply no telling how long it would be before she accidentally told someone.


Sam was surprised when Brittany sat down next to him in Glee. It wasn’t that he didn’t notice her coming – he had been doing a much better job focusing today – it was the fact that someone was sitting next to him at all that threw him. When he was dating Quinn and Santana, he would sit with them, but for the most part, with the exception of when Mike was trying to hide in the back so he wouldn’t have to sing any solos, no one ever sat next to Sam unless it was the only open seat left.


“I was thinking about our song last night. What if we do a mash-up? That way we only have to do half of two songs, and we can arrange it so we play instruments for part of it and dance the rest; you know, so that way we don’t have to try to lock down two separate routines.” Sam figured if he could sidetrack Brittany, she would be less likely to want to talk. “Oh and hi.”


“You can’t come over today,” Brittany said rather abruptly.


Sam closed his eyes and sighed; he knew this would happen. Brittany had seen a side of him that he desperately tried to keep hidden, and it was too much for her. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of how geeky he was, or if it was his father. It was pointless because Sam knew if he were different, then his father would treat him better and yesterday wouldn’t have happened.


“Oh… I’ll tell Mr. Schue that I need to focus on my classes, and I won’t have time for the assignment since it’s an extra curricular activity anyway. At least that way he won’t be mad at you and you can have a new partner.”


“I don’t want a new partner,” Brittany placed her head on Sam’s shoulder as she spoke. “You can’t come over because I have detention. I asked Mr. O’Hare if I could turn in my assignment tomorrow. He said no and I told him that was racist because it’s not my fault that I have long hair and I need time to properly brush it so it won’t fall out like all his did.”


Sam was more thrown by Brittany’s head on his shoulder than he was by what she had just said. He knew that she was a very hands-on person, but usually that was reserved for Santana or Artie. “So that’s why he was in such a bad mood in second period.”


“I offered him a wig so he could feel my pain, but I think that made him mad.”


Sam couldn’t believe that the one day he had actually tried his hardest to focus and not to zone out was the one day that there was a justifiable reason to be picturing their 50-something math teacher in Brittany’s neon blue Katy Perry wig. Where was that visual yesterday when Sam was depressed and needed to be cheered up? “I thought you were blowing me off because my dad scared you.”


“Lots of things scare me: your dad, balloons, clowns, the ability to add two digit numbers without a calculator… calculators. Wait, what were we talking about?”


“I’m really glad we were paired up,” Sam smiled. “Hey, um, you didn’t tell anybody about what happened yesterday, did you?”


“No. I didn’t write about it in my diary either, so even Lord Tubbington and Charity don’t know.”


Before Sam had a chance to ask Brittany who she was talking about, the rest of the Glee Club began filing in. Like always, no one really said anything to him. The only different thing was that Santana happened to give him an even dirtier look than usual. Nothing came of it though because Mr. Schuester, Kurt and Blaine all walked in immediately after Santana did.  


It turns out that both he and Brittany were right - everyone was so wrapped up in the fact that Kurt was back that nothing else really mattered. Surprisingly, Sam didn’t feel bad about being ignored; he didn’t know Kurt well, but he liked what he knew about him, so he was glad to have him back. Sam was trying to focus and pay attention to what everyone was saying, but for some reason he couldn’t stop staring at Blaine. There was something about how the other boy just stood there, silently watching everything play out that caught his attention.


The two of them couldn’t possibly be any more different. Thinking back on when he was in Blaine’s shoes, all he could remember was – and he would never openly admit it to anyone because they would laugh him right out of Lima – feeling like the puppy his mom got him when he was five. The puppy spent half of the day running around the house, practically jumping up and down barking his head off at the overstimulation. Even though Sam had been nervous standing in front of the group when he first met them, all he wanted was for just one of them to see something worthwhile in him.


Blaine was the other end of the spectrum. He stood there, taking everything in, watching how everyone played off of each other; it was like he was trying to observe everyone and figure out the best way to work himself in. Sam couldn’t help but wonder if the Blaine that he spent time with yesterday was just an act, and that maybe, deep down Blaine was just as insecure and scared of not being liked as he was. There was something inside of Sam that needed to figure Blaine out. He wasn’t sure how much time had actually passed, or what he missed out on when he was off in his head, but Sam’s focus came back the second Blaine opened his mouth to speak. Before anyone else began to pay attention, Sam found himself leaning in, ready to hang on every word the teen was about to say.


“Okay, you pretty much already know all of the important things: My name is Blaine Anderson, I was the lead soloist for the Dalton Academy Warblers, I’m gay-”


“He’s also not a serial killer,” Brittany added.


“There’s also that,” Blaine nodded. “I wasn’t entirely sure how you conduct your auditions, if there’s something specific you guys want me to sing, I can do that.”


“We know you can sing. Blaine,” Rachel said. “But the fact remains we’ve been through this before. Kurt’s an exception because we know him – it’s simply too big of a risk for sabotage if we let you join.”


Kurt rolled his eyes and sighed. “Rachel, you’re insane. The Warblers aren’t even going to Nationals. Why on Earth would he try to ruin our chances?”


“Kurt, I’m sorry, but there’s precedent. Quinn, Santana and Brittany all joined Glee Club to spy on us for Coach Sylvester, Jesse transferred here to spy on us… among other things. Can you say for sure that Blaine’s not doing the exact same thing?”


“Do you really think you’re going to luck out twice, Berry?” Santana asked. “I mean, what are the chances that another long-lost family member who threw you away would suddenly track you down, and hire a kid from a rival school to transfer and keep tabs on you? Really, we’re all still shocked it happened the first time.”


“God, why do you have to be so fricken evil all the time, Santana?” Even though he had no idea what she was talking about, Sam was sure that was the best way to respond to her.


“You weren’t even here when that went down Trouty, so hows-about you just sit there and keep those giant soup coolers shut because the only thing you could do with them that was half decent wasn’t talking.”


“What’s the matter, Santana? Wishing you asked your plastic surgeon to work on something besides your chest?” Blaine asked, staring Santana down.


At first, Sam wasn’t entirely sure that he heard Blaine correctly. Nobody ever stood up for him. And as active as his mind was, he never went as far as realistically visualizing his fantasies. So when out of the corner of his eye, he saw Puck and Finn grab Santana to keep her from lunging over Artie to get to Blaine, Sam knew he couldn’t be imagining what just happened.


“Get off me,” Santana screeched, wildly swinging at Puck and Finn. “Don’t know why you’re here, Hobbit, don’t care; I’m the bitch here. Step to me, you’re going down.”


“Come on, Santana,” Finn tried his best to calm the girl down. “You can’t hit him; it’s like a hate crime.”


“Dude, Santana hates everybody,” Puck said.


“Come on, guys,” Mr. Schuester finally spoke. It seemed like he always found a way of stepping in just a little too late. “Do we really have to go through this every time someone wants to join? Do none of you remember when we started New Directions last year, and we struggled to even have six members? The only fair way to resolve this is with a vote.”


“Personally, I don’t care one way or the other,” Lauren spoke for the first time the entire meeting. “You all want Kurt back; no matter how you guys vote, you’ll just cave to Kurt and he’ll get his way in the end. Why bother voting? I say yes just to get it over with.”


Despite Lauren’s speech, one by one everyone cast their vote and it seemed like for every one who said yes, a no followed. Each person settled on a simple yes or no until it was Rachel’s turn to vote.


“I am sick of no one taking my warnings seriously. And since none of you are willing to give me final say, when I clearly know what’s best for Glee Club, I vote no, but I reserve the right to say I told you so when it becomes appropriate.”


“Alright,” Mr. Schuester said once he finished adding up the votes. “That’s everybody but Finn and Sam.”


“Mr. Schue,” Finn began nervously. “I don’t really think I should vote. I’m in a no-win situation here. My girlfriend voted no, but Kurt wants me to say yes. No matter what I do I’m screwed.”


“Okay Finn, as long as you’re sure.” Mr. Schuester paused for a moment, waiting to make sure Finn was okay with his decision, before he moved on to Sam. “Without Finn it’s six to six, so it’s up to you, Sam.”


“Well?” Rachel and Kurt asked in unison, both of them turning in Sam’s direction with their hands on their hips, staring him down.


Right then, Sam wished he could be just about anywhere else. He would even willingly trade places with Finn at this point because it would mean upsetting only one person instead of the six people he would have angry with him no matter how he voted. These types of situations were always so much easier to watch in movies. If this were fiction, whatever decision Sam made would magically be the right one and in the end everyone would love him.


If he voted no, then he would alienate himself from the other Glee kids who just basically ignored him; if he voted yes, then he would give people like Santana and Puck one more reason to give him crap. He honestly didn’t have any idea what to do. Sure, his life would be easier if he voted no but in the process Sam knew he would be hurting someone who actually treated him decently and hadn’t tried to use or hurt him.


He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t hurt someone like that. “He’s a good singer, I mean shouldn’t that be enough? So, yeah, I think he should stay.” Sam didn’t need to look at anyone to know the only two people truly happy with his vote were Kurt and Blaine. At least Sam made two people happy; he could live with disappointing the others.




It wasn’t surprising that everyone moved on pretty quickly once Glee Club was over for the day. Brittany had detention; Puck, Lauren, Finn, Quinn, Mike and Tina were all off doing “couple” things. The other kids were all busy welcoming Kurt back to McKinley, except for Santana, who had vanished almost instantly. Sam felt a little bad that she didn’t stick around, but he couldn’t help but be glad, too. The last thing he was up for was another round with his ex-girlfriend.


He didn’t know why he was in a hurry to get all of his books and leave. Actually he did - he would rather be off somewhere alone than just standing around feeling awkward while everyone caught up with Kurt. Sam rounded the corner of the hall that led to his locker and was confused to see Blaine standing there with his back turned to him. Suddenly an idea began to form in Sam’s mind. It probably wasn’t a good one, but he would get a kick out of it. Blaine had managed to sneak up on him twice yesterday; Sam decided to see exactly how close he could get to the other boy before he got noticed. He always made up random little games like that to play; it helped pass the time.


Apparently Sam made just as little noise walking as Blaine did because he actually managed to get behind the other boy without being noticed. “Were you visited by the Ghost of Slushies Past?” Sam fought back the urge to groan. Even he knew that was too geeky. He was pleasantly surprised when Blaine cocked his head in his direction and smiled.


“Are you the Ghost of Slushies Present?” Blaine asked, still smiling.


Sam hated that the first place his mind went was that Blaine wasn’t playing along with his comment, he was just finding a sarcastic way to call him a big fat giant. “Do you want me to try to convince you to go back to Dalton?”


“No,” Blaine answered forcefully. “I did the whole running thing already. Dalton was great, but it was like this little bubble where I could figure out myself and just be me – but it wasn’t the real world. Everyone there was nice because they had to be. It was hard to figure out who was genuinely nice. But here… it seems like everyone in Glee is the definition of a frienemy. Well, everyone except you.”


Sam cringed when he heard the word “frienemy”, he wasn’t sure if it was because of his dyslexia or just how stupid those made up words were, but they were very high up on Sam Evans’ list of things he hates. “You are like the walking, talking, breathing CW dictionary.”


“I didn’t take ‘Mr. I just want to be liked by everyone’ as being an English language snob.”


 “All those ‘let’s try to be oh so cool’ fake words don’t really mix well with my dyslexia. Don’t even get me started on those horrible smushed couple names. I have a hard enough time keeping the letters in their right places; I don’t need extra ones thrown in.” Sam couldn’t believe how comfortable talking to Blaine felt. He could say anything and he felt like Blaine wouldn’t ever judge him.


“So is that like a secret or something?  It’s obvious I’m on thin ice with everyone already and the last thing I want to do is risk upsetting one of the few people who actually speaks to me.”


“Oh, they already know about that. It was pretty cool nobody called me mentally challenged or retarded or anything. But then I kind of ruined it and started quoting Dr. Seuss.” Sam began mentally kicking himself in the head as he opened his locker. He had no idea why he would admit something like that to someone he had only known for one day.


“I’m assuming Santana was out sick that day;” Blaine shrugged.


“She’s just been-” Sam actually struggled to find the right word to use. “She’s been worse than usual since we broke up, which is kind of weird because it was obvious she never liked me anyway.” Right now Sam wanted nothing more than for someone to come by and shove him into his locker. What was it about Blaine that made Sam keep spilling his guts to him?


“For the record, I’m definitely Team Sam in this scenario,” Blaine’s eyes met Sam’s and both boys smiled. “I know I don’t know her well, but I’m confident enough to be willing to bet that whatever the reason the two of you broke up, it was most likely her fault. And before you say anything I know how you feel – I promise that will be the last time I bash Santana.”


Sam nodded. He really didn’t like it when people were talked about behind their backs, even if the person in question seemed to make it their personal mission to make him as miserable as possible.


“Oh, before I forget,” Blaine slipped off his backpack, opened it, and pulled out a bag in one swift motion. “Your shirt. Don’t worry I had it washed. Seriously, I cannot thank you enough for yesterday. Not many people would have been as helpful as you were.”


Sam took the bag from Blaine and placed it in his locker. Before either teen had the chance to say anything, the sound of Kurt’s voice repeatedly calling out Blaine’s name came blaring down the hallway. It only took a matter of seconds before Kurt was at Sam’s locker, trying to catch his breath.


“Blaine, I’m glad you’re still here,” Kurt said, completely oblivious to the fact that Sam was standing there as well. “Mercedes, Rachel and I are going shopping. They say it’s to catch me up on everything that went on while I was gone. But between you and me, it’s really so I won’t let them buy anything from last season. Anyway, on the off chance that they actually are going to fill in the gaps, I was able to strong arm an invitation for you, too. After a few hours, you’ll know absolutely everything. It will be like you grew up with us.”


“That could be… fun. Are you going to come, too?” Blaine asked Sam.


“Oh, I’m sure Sam’s far too busy for that.” Kurt took Blaine by the arm and began pulling him away. “Come on.” Evidently Kurt was a lot stronger than he looked because, in the time it took Blaine to wave goodbye to Sam, Kurt already had him halfway down the hall.


Sam sighed as he watched the two boys walk off. It stung a little that Kurt had immediately excluded him, but unfortunately Sam was used to that kind of treatment. He knew that Kurt wasn’t trying to be mean; he was just excited to be back at school. Of course he would want to spend time with the people he knew the best. What really bothered him was the fact that Blaine had made an attempt to reach out to him, and it was shot down. Despite the horrible circumstances, Sam actually enjoyed talking with Blaine yesterday and he wanted to have another opportunity to really talk with him.


It wasn’t fair. Sam had no idea why it was so difficult for him to make friends. It seemed like no matter what he did, it was always wrong. And now there was finally someone that he felt like he was connecting with, and Kurt swooped in and literally dragged Blaine away. In a way it made sense for Blaine and Kurt to hang out; they both knew each other better than they knew him. Sam knew he should be happy that Blaine seemed to be better off in the friend department than him, but he couldn’t help but feel like Kurt had broken into his house on Christmas Eve and stolen all of his presents when he had taken Blaine away from him.


Sam tried to shrug the feeling off because he didn’t want to spend yet another day sulking about how screwed up his life was. Sam checked one more time to make sure that he had all the books he needed for his homework before shutting his locker. He grabbed his backpack and headed off in the direction of the gym. He didn’t have a plan, but he figured if he stuck around school until Brittany got out of detention, maybe they could still work on their song, or study together or something. Any excuse to spend as little time at home as possible.




Santana stood partially hidden in the door frame until she was sure that she was completely alone. She could handle running into another student because, if they dared to question her, she would just give them one of her signature beat downs. Teachers, on the other hand, Santana played that one out already. Thankfully, she had been able to pay the teacher off with a blank prescription pad from her dad’s office, but she knew she wouldn’t get lucky enough that the next teacher she assaulted would be a dealer like Mr. Ryerson was.


Right now all Santana cared about was finding out what Blaine had just given Sam and how she could use that knowledge to benefit her. Sam was easy - despite the unfortunate incident where he managed to grow a backbone long enough to break up with her, all it would take would be a few well-placed mouth jokes to send him back sulking in the corner.


But Blaine... he was different. In a weird way, Santana actually respected Blaine for calling her out in Glee Club, but that didn’t mean that she would let him get away with it especially since he had only been at McKinley for all of one day. He needed to be put in his place quickly and, if the process made Sam miserable too, that was just a plus as far as she was concerned.


Normally she would have just busted the locker open, but thanks to Sam’s 10-minute rant about how it matched some number code from one of his movies, she already knew the combination. Santana took one more look around before flinging open the locker door and pulling out the bag Sam had shoved in there. Santana stared in to the bag, shocked by what she found. “What the hell?”


She blinked twice and looked back into the bag just to make sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her. Inside the bag was one of those god awful shirts Sam always wore. It didn’t make any sense why Blaine would be giving that to Sam. The boy had to have better fashion sense than to actually own a shirt like that. That meant the shirt must be Sam’s, but that was still a long way from explaining why Blaine had some of Sam’s clothes. The fact that he was giving it back on his first day only made Santana more suspicious.




river_lollyriver_lolly on June 18th, 2011 03:16 am (UTC)
Oh I always get so excited when I see that banner! k off to read!
river_lollyriver_lolly on June 18th, 2011 04:13 am (UTC)
Man these are SO GOOD. I love them.

Sneaky Santana! Quit that shit!
samjohnssonsamjohnsson on June 18th, 2011 09:12 am (UTC)
Interesting. Definitely on Team Sam as well, and I still love your Brittany. Not sure what to make of your Santana, yet.
ggbromanceggbromance on June 19th, 2011 04:47 am (UTC)
Yay, update! I am falling in love with this story, even though poor Sam always makes me sad. It looks like Blaine and Sam's friendship is beginning to take form though, so that should change things! I can't wait until the romance kicks in as well :)